My Christian childhood turned into a non-Christian adulthood.
If you’ve been following along here, you know I grew up in a Christian home but left the Christian faith later as a twenty-something. (You also know the real plot twist is I returned to the Christian faith after nearly a decade of rejecting it.)
Before I eventually go into all the details about why I left the faith in the first place (and believe me, I will) I want to describe what my experience in the faith was like leading up to my eventual departure from it. Some groundwork is needed on which I can build the rest of my story.
Growing up, I would say I had quite the normal American Christian kid experience. All the right pieces were there. So it seemed anyway.
There were Sunday morning church services, Sunday school classes, prayers, songs, Bible lessons, volunteering, youth group and a baptism when I was about 14 years old. I even went to a private Christian elementary school. I think the only thing missing from this list is church camp. Somehow I managed to skip out on that one.
My point is, I was happily doing all the Christian things. My Christian parents seemed to do everything right to raise a Christian daughter with a faith that would stick. And yet, I still ended up rejecting Christianity years later as an adult.
How does that happen? Where did things get so off track?
For me, it all largely came down to the fact that I’m a Type-A, approval-seeking perfectionist (sigh). My natural driving force in life is to receive a gold star for a job well done.
In the classroom, I made for a really good student with the grades to prove it. In the home, I made for a really well-behaved kid who was happy to stay out of trouble. In the church pew, I made for a really good little Christian girl who rarely stepped out of line and happily did all of the things a good little Christian girl should do.
As a result, my approach to God and the entire Christian faith, was becoming more of an academic or “transactional” one than anything else. But I didn’t know that at the time.
I thought I was doing everything right.
But, for all my good behavior and “Atta girl!” accolades, I had no idea how warped my view of God was becoming. I had only ever tried to do everything right and I was about to see just how far off course my well-intended efforts had taken me.
To be continued…
Just joined the blog and caught up on all 5 posts at once. Until last weeks blog when I saw John J I thought I might be the only guy here and felt a bit out of sorts, but it’s all good. I would have stuck around anyway. Love what you are doing here and can’t wait to ride along. The first descriptions of yours about church about looking at the exit sign wanting to leave or hoping services were cancelled rang so loudly for me. I sometimes falter in the parking lot wondering if I should go in. Thank you again so much for being honest and true.
Phil, I am so glad you’re here. Sounds like parts of my story already sound familiar to you. For the longest time I thought I was the only one who felt the way I did and struggled with the things I struggled with. One of the major reasons why I wanted to start a blog like this was to find other people out there who are struggling too. So when I say I’m glad you’re here, I really mean that.
You have found a safe place to camp.
And no, you’re not the only dude here! This is definitely NOT an all-girls camp, nor is it ever intended to be.
I truly appreciate your time insight on your experience. I didn’t grow up in the faith, but my daughter did and she has walked away. Your blog encourages me to keep trusting that God is moving ❤️ Thank you so much!
Ah, the restless soul who feels the itch to bail on the faith…I know that girl well. Sounds like your daughter is on her own journey now. I’m so moved that God would use my story to encourage you as you try your best to love her through it. 🙂
And as I read your upbringing, mine was similar; however, there was divisiveness between my parents. Both raised Catholic, as I too was raised. My mother seldom attended church with us because she held anger towards the priest at that time. Anyways, I grew up feeling very much like you. Be good, do good, feel good. Strive to please everyone always, and don’t question anything. Work hard to make only good choices. Bad choices will give you rejection, guilt, shame, and only conditional love from God and others. I have stepped away from that denomination, as I find it to be a most unhealthy way to look at God. But I digress. I too have stepped in and out of my faith. My biggest regret is raising my 3 sons (now grown) in the Catholic church. None of them have a strong relationship with God, and I pray for their salvation regularly. I am trying to live by example in working on my own faith walk. It’s a daily struggle sometimes. Thanks for continuing to share your story. I’m reading.
I’m going to be really bold here for a second and tell you that it is a lie from the pit that the reason your 3 sons don’t have a strong relationship with God is because you raised them in the Catholic church. Lies. Lies….all lies! I was raised in non-denominational churches and I still bailed. I know some people who were raised in the Catholic church who have deep, profound relationships with the Lord now as adults. There is no one denomination that will guarantee a certain outcome for what kids choose to do with their faith when they are adults. God was the perfect parent and even his kids (Adam & Eve) turned their backs on him.
You just keep doing you mama. Leave that light on for them ;).
I’m so happy you’re here and following along. I can’t wait to share more!!
Thanks for sticking up for us Catholics, Christine!! 😘
Hi Christine, I’m here and sounds like your Christian upbringing was exactly like mine! I also searched for a long time before I “found it”. So Looking forward to more. Love it! 💕
Hi! Yes, I have a feeling my story and experience echoes so many others out there. Counterfeits abound, but the real thing is unquestionably worth the effort it takes to discover it. I’m so excited to share more too 🙂 Thanks for being here!