I’m never short on questions when it comes to my faith. But, there was one I never thought to ask God until things were at their worst.
During my dark years (see phase 3) I came to believe God was in fact real…but beyond that everything was completely blank…silent…empty. I had no idea what to think.
Is He truly good? Is He truly loving? Can I trust Him? Does He even care about what I’m going through?
Is it possible to actually get to know God? Like, is He really knowable like that?
If my faith stood a chance at being resuscitated, I knew I was going to have to take a different approach. I didn’t want to be taught or told anymore. I wanted to go straight to the source and see it all for myself.
If God was worth getting to know, I wanted to get to know Him.
I wanted to make up my own mind about Him.
No more stories or anecdotes about what God did for so-and-so’s cousin’s sister’s friend. I wanted to experience Him for myself. I wanted a story of my own to tell.
During the first go around with my faith I went about it all wrong. I thought I could get to know God and determine whether or not I could trust Him by looking back at His track record of answering my prayers. If there were more yeses than no’s, that somehow would prove He could be trusted. Or He was loving. Or He was kind.
If He didn’t answer my prayers regularly how I wanted Him to…well, then I guess He was of no use to me. If He didn’t do what I told Him to do in prayer then I guess He couldn’t be trusted.
The honesty here flipped a switch in me when I realized my approach to God really boiled down to one simple, awful thing I had built my ‘faith’ on:
God is only good if He does what I tell Him to do.
Mic drop.
How self-centered. How short-sighted. How selfish. How prideful.
I never even gave God a chance to show me who He really was.
I never once asked God to show me who He was or to tell me what He was like.
So, this time around, in my rebuilding season, I’ve taken a completely different approach. Instead of demanding answers, I’ve started asking Him more questions.
You know, questions about Himself.
With a genuine longing to know the truth, I began to quietly whisper:
“God, what are You like?”
Then I stopped talking and started listening.
It’s the same thing any of us do when we want to get to know someone more. Is it fair to form your opinion of someone solely based on stories you have heard from others (good or bad)? No, it’s not.
Rather, you engage in a conversation with them. You don’t just tell them all about yourself and demand they do things for you. You ask them questions about themselves. And you actually keep your mouth shut long enough to lean in and listen to what the other person is saying.
So friend if you’re stuck, like really stuck, in your faith or your beliefs or your relationship with God…whatever you want to call it…might I be so bold to encourage you to take a different approach. Check your pride and your smirk at the door and try asking Him something about Himself.
If you’re not even sure how to do that, start where I did with something like this:
God, tell me something about You that I don’t know.
God, what is on Your heart?
God, what are You really like? Please, I’m desperate to know the truth.
This type of “prayer” might be an acquired taste but I’m telling you, it changed everything about God and Christianity for me. It’s become the safe and secure spot I always return to when things get messy and confusing.
When you’re ready to listen, give it a try…but don’t rush the process.
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Struggling with your faith? Need a safe space to sort things out? Check out my private facebook group to connect with others who have doubts & questions too: Complicated Faith: A Space for the Doubting & Questioning
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