Do you ever wonder if your faith is even worth it?
In 2016 faith unexpectedly became a part of my life again.
But, it wasn’t a smooth-sailing, happily-ever-after sort of thing that followed. My struggles and questions didn’t just magically disappear. Oh no, they were still right there with me making sure I kept my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds. They just weren’t the captain of the ship anymore. They manned the helm for 8 long years and now it was time for a new skipper.
I was now needing to figure out how to find the balance between a soul that desperately wanted to connect with God and a brain that still had so many questions.
Tough questions. Deep questions. Almost deal-breaker sort of stuff.
This wasn’t fluffy, surfacey Christianity anymore. This was deep, tough Christianity. The Christianity people don’t like to talk about.
Over the last four years I’ve had moments of feeling so unbelievably connected to God. There have been many Sundays when the pastor’s sermon seemed almost creepy-close to what was going on in my heart that day. There have been Sundays when I wouldn’t really want to leave after the service was over because I felt so connected to something so much bigger than myself while I was there.
“Why would I ever want to leave this place?” I would think to myself.
That’s when faith is good. That’s the faith that gets put on the tourist brochure.
But I’ve also had moments of feeling so disconnected and out of place that left me wondering why in the world I ever thought going back to church was a good idea. There have been many times when I haven’t felt at all connected to the sermon or God or, if I’m honest, the people. Those are the days when I can’t get out of there quick enough.
“Why in the world would anyone sign up for this?” I would silently wonder to myself on my way out the door.
That’s when faith becomes a fight. That’s the faith no one really tells you about. But this is reality.
The Christian faith can be tough sea to sail.
This is where I am right now and what my faith really looks like. It’s not all sunsets & sailboats and pretty pink pastels. That might be some people’s stories, but it’s certainly not mine.
Though I am firmly anchored in what I do know now, I still get tossed around a bit by the things I don’t.
So, why do I keep coming back? Why do I keep putting up with it all? Why don’t I just take this faith back and exchange it for a different one? Something that’s a little easier to sail with?
Because this time I’ve stuck around long enough with it to ride out a few storms.
And for all the aggravations and frustrations and questions and doubts I carry with me constantly, there is one thing I am absolutely sure of.
Every ounce of the struggle has been worth it.
By far. Not even a little bit of doubt on this one.
But I know…if you’re anything like me, the next question in your inquisitive, analytical, slightly skeptical little head of yours probably sounds something like:
“Yeah, but what do you mean by worth it?”
That, my friend, needs an entire blog post all to itself…next week ;).
But what about you? Do you agree? Disagree? Has your faith voyage been worth it? Leave your honest answer in the comments below. I’d love to hear from ya.
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Struggling in your faith? Not sure where you can ask your questions? Come check out my private facebook group to connect with others who are sorting things out too.
I absolutely agree. My favorite metaphor for the Christian life is the metaphor of a pilgrimage. We are on our way from one degree of glory to another, from the kingdom of this world to the kingdom of our Lord, from a broken world to a new creation. But the journey is not easy, and there are many pitfalls, difficulties, and set backs along the way. Neither is the journey short, for we know that it will be our life’s occupation.
But the confidence we have is that God is with us! I take great comfort from the Psalms of Ascent (Ps. 120-134) which God’s people would recite on pilgrimage. They are a reminder that God is watching over us as journey through this life, even in the depths (cf. Ps 130).
And yet there is no guarantee that things will go pleasantly for us. There is not a guarantee of healing, or of breakthrough, or of a visitation of God’s love and presence. Or at least, not in this life.
So many died in faith, not having obtained what God promised–and yet they were still able to live by faith. I think especially of the heart of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who in the face of impending destruction said: “…our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto you, O king, that we will not serve your gods, nor worship the golden image which you have set up” (Dan 3:17-18). This is how I want to live my life–with the confidence that God can, the faith that God will, but peace even if He does not. His plan is bigger than I can see, and if that plan involves my prolonged suffering, then I will say “the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!” (Job 1:21).
So the journey may be life-long, and filled with difficulty, but in the end I know that God will bring me safely to be where He is, whether I experience that vividly in this life or not. He is directing my journey toward Himself, so I stumble along and feel my way toward Him with the confidence that, even if I can’t sense Him, “He is not far off from each of us” (Acts 17:27).
So many great thoughts and insights Clay! So many great truths. I love the last one the most…”He is not far off from each of us”. I needed to hear that one today. Thank you so much. :).